That Kit Kat and ICU night call

I was reading some of the older posts. I have grown a lot but still a kid when it comes to certain things. I have decided to be more open about things. I find this place a safe place to vent out my feelings and emotions. Therefore, some of the post will not make sense to a lot of people but it is just a medium for me to express some of my crazy thoughts, dreams and emotions. I have always struggled with my feelings and emotions. Honestly, I have buried myself in work so I do not have free time to think about the heavy stuff! Working in the ICU helps me concentrate on making life and death decisions rather than thinking about my problems and feelings. Still struggling though! Let me tell you what happened to me yesterday! 

I was on call in the ICU overnight I went to grab a Kit Kat from the vending machine. I went there and got it. When I opened the wrap, it was melted. I was so heart broken. I really wanted one! I could have really used it since I was struggling with so many things in my life and in my love life in particular. So, all that glitters is not gold. So probably God was saying to me that you may want things for yourself which may not be good for you. 

On the other hand, I did two soft admissions to ICU and had a chance to actually rest for a bit. In the AM, the intensivist ( My Program Director) came early and we finished the sign out pretty good. Sometimes, I feel so stupid in front of him. I feel like whenever I try to impress him, I say something stupid. No! He is not interested in the fact that you ordered a new S8. Shut up stupid! I see him as my spiritual dad so probably that is why I am struggling so much. I want him to be proud of me! 


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